So am I a chicken shit for not just blurting out over manicures, "I'malesbianandthathasn'tchangedintenyearsandIwishyou'dbemoresupportive!" before stomping my pretty painted toes? 'Cause I am. Just a little bit. But whatever. My mom was being the biggest diva martyr poo this holiday and the atmosphere wasn't exactly conducive to supportive opening up. Them's the facts. However at dinner last night, which just might be the low point of a rather disastrous Christmas, she gave me a small peek into what she really thinks of my gayness.
After a few drinks with my parents and a series of tapas at Beast, I recounted one of the most awesomest experiences I've ever had in New York. It was back in October when I went to go see the Suicide Girls at Southpaw in Brooklyn. Opening for the show was a Japanese girl band whose musical style alternated between upbeat pop and death metal. It was amazing.
When I mentioned this band was opening at a burlesque show (in the interest of full disclosure), my mother turned to my father and said rather sarcastically:
"Hmmm. Must be a gay thing."
Must be a gay thing? A GAY THING? After FOUR years of not acknowledging my sexual orientation, this is what I get? Okay, I can take that. At least it means she's not laboring under any delusions. Hallelujah!
So in the spirit of the new year, here are a list of affirmations.
* I accept that my mother is
* I accept that her accepting of my gayness is not dependent on my self worth.
* I accept that she knows that I am gay even if she isn't Best Supportive PFLAG Mother of the Year about it because really she and I have never had that relationship even when we were under the delusion of me being straight.
* I accept that my mother is a negative person, but that doesn't mean I have to be.
* I will not self censor my life when talking to my parents (eg, talking about my predilection for burlesque watching).
I am one with the zen gay buddha.