"What happens in Provincetown stays in Provincetown."

It was the theme of our trip to Cape Cod -- What happens in Provincetown stays in Provincetown -- promising that all the shenanigans would never be spoken of once we returned to Brooklyn. It was with this bacchanalia like spirit that three Lesbian Club friends, Holly, and myself set out on our first Big Gay Weekend Vacation and drove 8 hours to the gay mecca that is Provincetown, Mass. Holly and I would be sharing a hotel room to ourselves while the other three would be further down the main drag at another hotel. I had a feeling all along about this weekend -- a feeling that something was going to happen. The bacchanalia like spirit only confirmed what I had divined.

Now I know I made an oath, but you all, my faithful blog readers, deserve the story as it unfolds -- especially since it involves me, an Unnamed Person (UP)* from Lesbian Club . . . and Holly.

Get your mind out of the gutters. It wasn't a threesome. It wasn't even a some. What happened was UP drunkenly made out with Holly at a bar last night. And I, having spotted this from the other side of the deck, was not happy. In a very Oh No She Didn't moment, I went to the bartender, got my fourth drink of Maker's Mark, and marched to the table where they were sitting and obnoxiously plopped myself down before them.

"Hi," I announced loudly with a smile on my face, whisky in hand, and a look in my big brown eyes that flashed two things. (1) Don't fuck with me. (2) I just might have to kill you.

Let me explain something here. Holly is my very good friend. Holly is an adult and can make out with whomever she wants. However there is an unspoken rule that Holly is off limits to Lesbian Club members and I've made it common knowledge that I have very strong feelings for her. Yes, nothing has ever seemed to want to develop between us and I long ago resigned myself to the fact that nothing probably would save for the drunken kissing at my birthday last year. BUT she's still off limits to Lesbian Club members because if ANYONE is going to be making out with her, it's me.

And that's what I did. I leaned in and kissed Holly like we were the stars of a movie. UP looked onward probably wondering what the hell was happening. It was my way of telling Holly what I haven't been able to tell her for so long while reasserting my claim on her.

I tackled.

I should also explain in all fairness to those involved the levels of blame here: UP drunkenly kissed Holly. She apparently missed the memo that Holly is off limits. Holly kissed UP back in that way that is drunkenly rationalized as, Oh I guess we're kissing now. I suppose I'll go along with it. The kiss itself means nothing, but all sorts of invisible rules are broken. All is eventually forgiven, but let us return to that table in Provincetown.

Shamed and wanting to avoid being collateral damage in the ass kicking that was about to commence, Holly takes the hotel room key and leaves the bar. It is just me and UP in a showdown. I give her The Look again. She cowers slightly. But since we are also adults and I've never kicked someone's ass, we talk. She apologizes. I explain where I am coming from. UP can get any girl she wants, but she chose the one girl that she wasn't allowed to kiss. She says she didn't know that it was uncool to kiss her. She didn't know that I had feelings for her. She thought that there was nothing between us. Well technically yes there is nothing between us, but still.

To wrap up a long story, UP and I negotiate a peace and I state firmly that Holly is mine. With all our ducks in a row, we leave the bar to walk back to our respective hotels. I tell UP that she is forgiven and there is profuse apologizing as she doesn't want to ruin our friendship. As she walks away and I climb up the steps to my room, I am well aware that I've now got to deal with Holly and the issue that UP has abruptly forced to the surface.

Inside I find Holly up and watching a Japanese game show. She has been waiting for me and it's well after 1 am. Soon I'm sitting on the bed with her and apologizing for making a scene and say that I don't want to jeopardize the friendship. Holly apologizes for kissing UP and says that it meant nothing and that she has no feelings for UP. Then there's that awkward moment when we both know we're going to have to confess all our feelings. I already stated my intentions with my kiss -- a kiss born of fierce jealousy.

We're both drunk, but we both say what we've wanted to say for over a year. Perhaps it was the alcohol, but for once the words come easily. She thought I didn't have feelings for her anymore as I've been dating recently. I explain that I had to move on since she had been dating her married boss. She cringes and reiterates that they are not together anymore. She also says that the Boss was jealous of me knowing that I was a rival just as she was jealous of my relationships with Anne and Val. Then she says that she feels that we have always been meant to be together, but she needed to grow up first.

And then, when we have said what we need to say, she leans in and finishes the kiss that was started back in the bar. In the morning we wake up mercifully sober, a little hungover, slightly undressed, but aware that things have now changed between us.

"Even though I had a lot of whisky last night, I meant everything I said," I say to her.

"Even though I had a lot of beer last night, I meant everything I said," she responds.

"What do we do?"

"I don't know. I guess we take things slow."

* * *

Back on August 4, I wrote:

"I should note that she's been flirting with me hard core of late and I feel almost certain that given enough alcohol, something may happen."

How astute of me. Whisky + beer + lesbians + drama = something happening.

* Maire, I know you're probably reading this and can figure out who UP is as you certainly know her, but by reading this entry you have unwittingly agreed to the vow of What happens in Provincetown stays in Provincetown.