Wednesday, August 30, 2006

". . . just watch out for your heart."


I'm trying to figure out a way to write this entry without sounding retarded or lovesick, yet failing. Basically I miss Holly. I haven't seen her since Sunday and I am filled with this odd sensation as brain chemicals, up until now not allowed to mix, mingle and blend to form a cocktail that tells my brain that it is experiencing something akin to love. It is an odd sensation because I've gone to great lengths to disassociate myself from my feelings for Holly as she's been unavailable. Now that I'm allowed to feel these feelings, I hardly know what to do with myself. It's strange when friend feelings convert to romantic feelings.

To further illustrate how much of a saddo I've become, I keep anxiously watching the clock knowing that at 7:30 pm tonight I'll be meeting Holly and her parents for dinner and drinks. I'm not anxious that I'll be meeting her parents -- I've met them a couple times before and they LOVE me -- I'm anxious because I haven't seen her since Sunday. In the three days since I've seen her, part of me wonders if what happened between us in Provincetown really happened -- if she won't say tonight, "Sorry, I can't go through with this." But of course I'm just being irrational. So until this evening I'll torture myself a little knowing that she ended her email to me yesterday with, "Looking forward to seeing you."

See? This is the most retarded entry ever. I should be shot.

2 comments:

Mr. Bad Apologies said...

Jesus Christ. I stop reading for a week and a half (one week was on travel) and there are two many entries to read and your world has turned upside down. How in the FUCK did isolate yourself so well in Silver Spring, when obviously you are a flaming socialite with more lover/friend drama then a queen in the Castro!?

I love it. What happened with Holly?

nycrouge said...

Now you know why I had to leave DC . . .

More on Holly to come.