Wednesday, April 29, 2009

"I'm going to a gay wedding in Vermont. How very topical of me!"

I gave up on the dream of wearing my new kate spade shoes to Former Fake Girlfriend's wedding on Saturday. It was an ambitious dream, but there is no reason -- apart from being lazy with my physical therapy -- that I cannot wear them to Beth's August wedding in Stockholm. So that is my new goal.

Speaking of the FFG's wedding, I've been asked to speak (give a toast? lecture? powerpoint presentation?) about how I introduced FFG to Ms. B and thus can claim credit for their eventual nuptials. I'm not 100 percent sure what I will say, but I will shy away from regaling them of stories of how FFG used to be my fake girlfriend, causing all sorts of ridiculous consternation and introspection. But hey, things work out the way they are supposed to and I have Ms. K and there are no regrets.

Monday, April 27, 2009

"A modest proposal."

Recently, after Ms. K made a grumble about our neighborhood stemming from another altercation with a hasid, I made a modest proposal. "Hey, we don't have to live in Kensington. It's just a thought, but we can see what is available when our lease is up in October."

After all our hard work, scrubbing, DIY projects, and suffering, the idea of moving by the end of 2009 seemed like a betrayal, especially since we were hoping to stay put and save money to buy a place. I felt guilty for suggesting it, but there's no reason to be miserable in order to save a few hundred dollars.

As the idea grew in our heads, we started naming places we'd like to live instead. I even went onto the dreaded Craigslist to see what apartments were going for in the neighborhoods we desired and boy have prices gone down since September. Funny how when we were last looking was right before the stock market crash. Now, for only a 30% upgrade in rent, we could live in Park Slope or have a backyard in Windsor Terrace. A BACK YARD. Soon we were giddy with fantasies of Weber Grills, patio furniture, cocktails, baby pools, and Harley frolicking in the grass.


Saturday, April 25, 2009

"I would love to find out what you think of sweden and us swedes!!"

I'm all silly with excitement because Ms. K and I decided to go ahead and RSVP for my friends Beth and Nils's August wedding in Stockholm. We found ridiculously cheap airfare on SAS Airlines for flights to both Stockholm and Amsterdam. Long time readers will be reminded that this is my first flight out of the US since my near apocalyptic trip to London in 2007. My passport is being renewed as I type.

Oh man. A vacation. With Ms. K! Finally! Although I'm sure Stockholm will be lovely, I absolutely loved Amsterdam when I was there. We're going to stay here. We've worked very hard for this.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

"This used to be your life. Remember?"

I was in Washington, DC recently for a brief business trip and being back in the old hometown was strange, as if I was visiting a past life. From my old Metro stop and the place in Dupont Circle where I used to get my hair cut to Teaism and Adams Morgan, the old emotion connection was there like the distant crackle of a radio signal. Everything I walked past said, "This used to be your life. Remember? That was where you used to go to happy hour. That used to be the road you lived on."

Yeah I remember, but that was five years go if you can believe it. My DC knowledge has gotten rather rusty and it took me a second to navigate the farecard machine for the Metro. And I was acutely aware that my memory of DC street names has been supplanted by New York ones.

Even stranger was the memory that for a while DC represented the sum of my goals. I wanted to live in Dupont Circle or own a house in Takoma Park one day and I was reminded of this as I traveled past visual cues of these old goals. I guess I still could, but I've got my eye on a sweet brownstone in Brooklyn. Now I just need to make my millions.

Incidentally I had forgotten how beautiful the city gets in the Spring.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

"Look! I'm Jared!"

It's been a month since Ms. K and I started our gym initiative. After a bit of a white knuckle first week, I'm used to drinking less and waking up at 6 am. I crave the mental clarity that comes after a morning workout, although I feel like an old woman when I start to fall asleep at 10:30 pm.

Ms. K discovered that her jeans are so loose that she can pull them on and off without unbuttoning them.

"Look! I'm Jared!" she exclaimed happily, referencing the Subway sandwich diet guy. She pulled them up and down as if it was a party trick.

While I haven't had some dramatic results, I am coming close to being able to perform that party trick myself.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

"You poor thing, you must be in agony!"

Ever since my new kate spade shoes arrived, I've gazed at them longingly, noting their patent leather shine and flirty style. At a size 10 (boats!), they're a smidge big, but in a good way. The princess in me wants to wear them around The Apartment as I do such everyday tasks as the dishes and putting away the laundry.

But here's the problem. I've been in near agony for a year (a year!) with chronic pain in my right foot. I read somewhere once that the average New Yorker walks four miles a day and so imagine how that feels with chronic pain. When I put on my new shoes, the pain was so great that my right foot could barely support my weight. Oy.

As sexy as this sounds, yesterday I broke down and went to a podiatrist in Chelsea. Why it took me a year of suffering, I have no clue. I guess I figured it would eventually go away. But it didn't and now I know why.

Upon meeting my lovely new doctor, I explained that I've been in pain for a year, but have these super cute shoes I would like to wear in two weeks. He merely shook his head. "You give me no time!"

But since my doctor is the Tim Gunn of the podiatry world, he vowed to make it work provided I do x, y, and z.

Further exploration with the x-ray revealed that I have a large bone spur in my right foot and evidence of plantar fasciitis. "You poor thing, you must be in agony!"

Finally! Validation!

Excuse me while I go ice my foot and perform a series of calf stretching exercises. In my cubicle. And I have an appointment with a physical therapist. Sexy shoe wearing, here I come!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

"Curious if you know of any tax breaks for people who didn't commit a heinous financial crime this year."

Since today is Tax Day, let's revisit last year's post where I made a series of resolutions. Did I keep them?

* File a 1040 EZ for my 2008 tax return.

A lofty goal, but one sadly not obtained.

* Have money saved in the bank to pay the taxes on my freelance 1099s.


* Have money saved in the bank.

See previous bullet point. Although I did not quite have as much money saved up as I would have liked, I am patting myself on the back for my improved situation.

* Have money saved in the bank with an institution that offers a 3% interest rate or higher.

Actually I could have answered yes, but bastardly HSBC Direct has slowly whittled away my 3.5% interest rate to something in the 1% range. Suck it, banks.

* Increase my freelance intake.

My freelance is taking off despite this shitty economy.

* Take a fucking vacation.

Does a weekend in Vermont count? Also there is a small chance I may be in Sweden this summer, so there you go.


Tuesday, April 14, 2009

"A size 10? Isn't that like a small boat?"

I now have (heavily discounted) kate spade shoes for Former Fake Girlfriend's wedding. Awesome.

Monday, April 13, 2009

"Why can't she get married in a state closer than Vermont??"

Apologies for the lack of updates -- I was in class all week learning the javascript (my right side of the brain was not happy with this). And then I had a deadline for a freelance project (both sides of the brain felt overtaxed by Friday's end). In lieu of a proper post, here are some updates.

* As of Saturday, I've lost 10 lbs. Yay gym! Although after last night's cake and booze laden Easter dinner, I'm sure I've gained it all back. I'm afraid to get on the scale and check.

* I bought a dress for Former Fake Girlfriend's wedding next month. As I tried things on in the dressing room of Lord & Taylor, I got a good look at myself in the three-way mirror and it wasn't pretty. Cringing as I noted an ample spread of cellulite, I wanted to cry out, Who let this happen?!! Oh. I did. But that's what the gym is for.

* Speaking of Former Fake Girlfriend's nuptials, she texted me excitedly when the Vermont legislature voted in favor of gay marriage as her wedding next month is in said state. But she was disappointed to learn that gay marriage will not be legal until September, four months after her ceremony.

* I found out last week that my health insurance company extends benefits to same sex couples who are legally married. Hmmm.

Friday, April 03, 2009

"The gym is working!"

Day 12 of the Reckoning:

There may be something to this whole fast and healthy lifestyle lark. So far I've lost 7 pounds as has Ms. K and I think my jeans are starting to feel roomier. I guess this makes the Stairmaster my new best friend -- a best friend that likes to inflict pain and make me drip sweat.

With Former Fake Girlfriend's wedding coming up in May, it is my goal to look somewhat presentable. Nay, I want to look good. Maybe shed 15 or so pounds by then, wear some cute high heels, and a black cocktail dress? It can happen, right?