Wednesday, May 27, 2009

"That's not a sandwich. That's an introduction to colon cancer."

Over Memorial Day weekend, Ms. K and I blew through a couple of seasons of Rescue Me, free for the watchin' on Hulu. The acerbic, well acted, melodramatic television show reminded me that pain and trauma makes for interesting story lines.

Which got me thinking.

For once in a long time I'm happy. Yeah suck it, guys. I'm happy. Ms. K is happy. (Other than hating her job, but I digress.) And a happy yours truly suddenly finds herself unable to write because blog entries about Ms. K making googly eyes at me isn't the compelling story line I'd like it to be. My life is not like Rescue Me's Tommy Gavin who always seems to have a kid getting run over by a drunk driver and a plot twist at every turn. My life is boring central, but happily so.

I don't know, it's kind of nice. Maybe it's because of the gym and endorphins and natural highs, but I realize it makes for crappy blog writing.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

"Is there anything that you want to tell me?"

Yesterday Ms. K emailed me:

"I checked the mail on the way back upstairs. You got something from 'Raising Mom: your perfect place for post pregnancy care.' Is there anything that you want to tell me?"

Uh . . .

Perhaps it's because I'm in the prime of my child bearing years, but I'm not sure how I got on that mailing list. Call me crazy, but the last time I checked there had to be a pregnancy in order for there to be a post pregnancy.

Just a thought.

PS -- I don't want kids!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

"Definitely not kosher sex."

I like bacon. I also like lady parts. But something tells me that combining the two is perhaps a step too far. Behold. Bacon flavored lube. Bacon fail?

"What happened to me??"

As per our fast and healthy lifestyle, there is one escape clause -- the "special occasion" clause -- to the no drinking during the week rule. In the last seven weeks, it's only been invoked three or four times, one of which was to go to the staff dinner for the magazine I freelance for. However Ms. K and I invoked the clause to attend Brooklyn Uncorked, a wine tasting of Long Island wines, at the Brooklyn Academy of Music. But the other reason for the special occasion is because Ms. K and I were enjoying a rare weeknight date.

I love dates with Ms. K. We go out, have a nice diner at restaurants like Applewood and Rosewater, maybe drink a bottle of prosecco, and tell each other a thousand times how pretty each other is. During the tasting I remember leaning close into her and noticing that her scent was instantly evocative of when we first started dating two years ago. It was a mixture of Chanel, cigarettes, and alcohol and I realize this might not be the most appealing mixture of scents, but I assure you that the pleasure center of my brain lights up whenever I smell it and it drives me crazy. Equally there is a perfume that I wear during the summer months that causes Ms. K to bury her nose into the crook of my neck and breathe deeply.

"Who'd ever thought I'd like being in a monogamous relationship," she later remarked over dinner and elderflower martinis at Ici. There was a time in the recent past when Ms. K lived the life of a confirmed bachelor. "What happened to me??"

"You met a nice girl," I replied with a smirk. "That's what happened."

Monday, May 11, 2009

"You look so goddamned pretty in the daylight."

A Smattering of Updates:

Gym -- It's been 7 weeks since Ms. K and I joined the gym. In that time she has lost 15 pounds and even though I have lost only 10, Ms. K says I look like I've lost more. I'll have to take her word for it, however I do know that my clothes are looser, that's for sure. Regardless, I like our new fast and healthy initiative and for the most part I've been disciplined in going to the gym four mornings a week, usually arriving around 7:15 am.

My Bone Spur -- Physical therapy is paying off as my foot and ankle grows stronger and I am in less pain. I have a follow up appointment with the podiatrist this evening. Sexy! A friend of mine recently grew concerned after I kept referencing having to go to doctor's appointments. No, it's not cancer. I just am trying to take care of a lot of things all at once. Think of it as Operation Pimp My Body.

Sweden & Amsterdam -- Plane tickets have been purchased! My passport has been renewed and has arrived! I'm very much looking forward to our trip, although we will be very very poor because of it.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

"It's not a wedding until someone goes to the emergency room."

Despite the long drive, Ms. K and I enjoyed our mini vacation to Vermont. Ms. K is even less a country person than I am, but I was surprised that she enjoyed the Green Mountain air and verdant landscape. Every time we drove past a Moose Crossing sign, she would peer off into the horizon looking for any signs of such and was highly disappointed when left the state without seeing a moose. (And although we liked visiting Vermont, what's up with everything closing at 8 pm? Huh??)

Harley enjoyed the vacation too and got to smell all manner of smells that he does not have access to in Brooklyn. The only downside to bringing him with us to the hotel is that the ride up marked the first time he had been in a car since the accident. He trembled so much as we drove up West Side Highway, that the car shook, poor guy.

In all, it was nice to see Former Fake Girlfriend and Ms. B get married in a tiny tiny town in central Vermont. I never did get to make that toast of mine because Ms. B's father choked on his dinner and had to go to emergency room. Alarming, yes. Despite an emergency endoscopy, his is apparently doing well.

And finally, Ms. K and I danced our first slow dance together. Unfortunately it was to "I Don't Wanna Close My Eyes," by Aerosmith. I demand a do-over.