Wednesday, November 30, 2005

"Can I see you this week? It would make me very very happy."

Um, so the Teutonic Chef Goddess wrote me back. Some more emails were exchanged and the words "cold", "lonely", and "haven't had sex in 6 months" were used.

Uh . . . . why am I having a moral crisis about this? She'll probably turn out to be a man or, as Dennise put it, a stalker who will kill me and eat my heart.

I don't want my heart eaten.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

"However, based on that short intro I think you should perhaps marry her."

Oh dear, what have I done? I was only on the Craigslist w4w section to show Dennise the woeful list of options for us single lesbritarians. And then I saw my Teutonic Chef Goddess Dream Girl in search of her dining partner slash museum partner
slash partner and other things that made her my Dream Girl. Because, you know, I just had to email her . . . . Now I'm just waiting for the inevitable silent rejection of my email because she looks like a goddess and, well, I don't.


In related news, Dennise told me that people should pay me to write their introductory responses to online personals. This was one that I wrote for her:

Say, I too am stuck in Cleveland for the rest of the year and into 2006. Quite a coincidence. I have been in the city long enough to be able to regale you with its finer cultural highlights. We can take the Not So Rapid Transit to the Cuyahoga River and toast marshmallows while the river burns.

I wonder why she didn't use it?

Monday, November 28, 2005

"Where is he? Where's the creep that turned me into a spider eating man bitch?"

Much as I would like to use this blog entry to construct witty observations on life and my Thanksgiving holiday, it really boils down to Ways in Which I Staved Off Boredom During the Long Weekend. As a naturally outgoing person, I don't do well by myself, so three solid days of me time posed a bit of a challenge. Thursday was the very successful First Annual Misfits Thanksgiving, but what of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday?

- Listened to Spoon's Gimme Fiction.

- Cleaned out a couple of boxes of old papers from college, including a small stack of vomit inducing creepy love emails from the crazy ex-girlfriend circa 1997.

- Went to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens on Saturday to make use of the free entry before noon. My lazy ass got there at 12:03 and they got my $5.

- Bought snow boots and new sneakers on sale at DSW Shoe Warehouse.

- Contemplated my loss of faith over the last year.

- Decided I really wasn't an atheist after all.

- Tentatively regained my faith, hoping that it wasn't because I didn't want to accept that I really was all alone.

- Listened to Rilo Kiley's The Execution of All Things.

- Explored Park Slope.

- Obsessed a little over the Holly situation.

- Hiked Prospect Park.

- Exhausted meager library of DVDs.

- Absconded with Jane's Season 5 Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

- Found out that while in London this weekend, Jane got engaged.

So there you go, my holiday. To sum things up Thanksgiving good, alone time bad. Perhaps I'll ponder how to make my blog entries more about what's going on and less of laundry list of things I did.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

"Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance."

For the first time in my life, I feel like an adult. I have adult hair, an adult apartment, and adult finances. When the fuck did this happen?? Strangely enough, this realization seemed to coincide with my 27th birthday. What a drag it is getting old.

I've also been feeling a little depressed. So to lift myself out of the doldrums, I've been reverting to some movie therapy -- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on Sunday (incidentally with Holly), movie night at the old pub on Monday, and a little Ghostbusters last night. I can also console myself with the fact that I got a 10% raise yesterday.

This brings us to this week's webring assignment:

What is your favorite film? Which is your favorite scene/character in the film and why?

Some of you may know that one of my favorite films (next to Priscilla Queen of the Dessert) is Ghostbusters. My love for this film knows no bounds and it's what I turn to when I want the movie version of comfort food. I also love it for its witty one liners (usually delivered by Bill Murray), snappy dialogue, and general hilarity. Who doesn't love watching the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man stomp his way through Columbus Circle?

For other takes on this topic see:

A Prize In Every Box | Write Again Soon | Wish to See | Bad Apologies

Monday, November 21, 2005

"You don't remember throwing up in the pizza shop?!"

So this weekend . . . I spent it alternately feeling really sorry for myself and feeling like I dodged a really big bullet. I'm still a bit sad and I still feel like a bit of an idiot, but I keep reminding myself that no one wants to be involved in a love quadrangle and no one wants to be involved with someone who has been in a secret relationship with their boss for 6 or 7 months. Sigh. One of my 2006 resolutions is going to not fall for straight(ish) people.

Good news is that now I have a bit of closure with my love life. I'll keep my fingers crossed that there's some hot lesbian action on the horizon. Maybe I should get a dog and start hanging out in Park Slope more often . . . One must have a plan.

I'm still apologizing to Holly for getting so drunk on Friday that she had to walk me around the Lower East Side at 1 am for fear that if I were to get into a cab, I would be sick in the cab. Apparently some nice MTA employees were making fun of me while I was vomiting around the Lower East Side. At least she made sure I got home okay.

I think it's time for some ritual suicide so I can die an honorable death.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

"My name is Keith and I'll be here all evening."

Me: "So about you kissing me last night."

Holly: "You kissed me."

Me: "Oh."

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I made an absolute heel of myself last night. My dignity is all spent and there's a little bit of vomit on my new velvet blue blazer. My landlord even had to see me doing the walk of shame after I took a car back from Holly's place this morning.

Don't worry, nothing happened between Holly and I . . . per usual. And I found out why nothing has been happening all these months I've been carrying a small torch for her -- she's having an affair with her married boss.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

"The part with the dragon is really cool."

Sometime in the mid 1980s, my aunt gave me a novelty record for my birthday. The record was a little thing made of thin, floppy plastic, and it contained a rather silly personalized song:

Hey [Rouge], it's your birthday.
My name is Zoom and I live on the moon

I don't remember the rest of it, but for whatever reason those two lines have etched themselves permanently into the mind of my parents -- they still serenade me with it each birthday. Little did I know that Captain Zoom is still around (casette, CD, mp3) and wishing kids happy birthday. Must be nostalgia. My parents did afterall send me a Care Bears birthday card.

Anyway, a while back (October) Beth asked us to write about our births and I replied that I didn't have a lot of details to recount. However my father filled in some of the blanks last night.

"Twenty seven years ago tonight, your mother was eating butter brickle ice cream and hemming some suit pants we had bought. She kept complaining that her back was hurting. At ll:30 she woke me up and said we'd better go to the hospital."

And thus I began.

So too begins the Birthday Bonanza -- work tequila today, dinner at home tonight, job performance review tomorrow,* post-work drinks and burlesque tomorrow, and Harry Potter 4 on Sunday.

* The job performance review will be an unpleasant break in the bonanza-ing.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

"Have you ever used a flat iron before?"

With Portishead playing in the background and the 6 train rumbling underneath, I got my hair cut by a man who looked suspiciously like a younger, hipper version of Lance Ito. I gave Mr. notIto a carte blanche with my hair save for one caveat -- don't go too short. Sixty bucks later, I have rock star hair and I'm still getting used to it. There's definitely some asymmetry going on.

Trying to find a new hairdresser is like trying to find love -- there's a lot of first dates. My previous hairdresser in DC was the best freaking hair guy I've ever had. Too bad a) he was in DC and b) left DC for California after falling in love. That's hair monogamy for you -- sometimes you get walked out on.

Happy [early] birthday, me.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

"Pancakes for one are always depressing."

Almost Birthday Bonanza time. I've arranged for low key dinner and drinks at home on Thursday with 66% of my NY friends. 34% apparently scheduled a date the same day as my birthday. Harrumph. Hopefully 100% will be available for Friday fun -- drinks, debauchery, and burlesque.

For last week's webring assignment, I came up with a tentative Christmas list. To that list I would like to add a bike so that I can bike around Prospect Park and get some cheap exercise. The replacement velvet blue blazer is a size 12 and while it fits, I can only button it up if I suck in and turn a little purple in the face . . . therefore recent weight loss needs to continue. (Why did I buy a replacement blue blazer that's not my size? Lord & Taylor was out of the 14.)

Anyway, on to this week's webring assignment brought to you by yours truly. I ask:

Thanksgiving is coming up. What will you be doing? Traveling? What would be your ideal Thanksgiving?

The reason why Thanksgiving is on my mind is because this year I've decided to forgo family. Usually the holiday has involved driving to Delaware for T'giving at my grandmother's house where I would be mocked over dinner for not being Republican, not liking George Bush, and not being pro-war. You can imagine that this became rather tedious, especially since I would be careful not to bring up politics. Other topics of conversation usually centered around race and immigration. No more, I say.

This year will be the First Annual Misfits Thanksgiving. No drama. No family. Just food and drink and good company. The snag to this plan is that the only scheduled attendee of the First Annual Misfits Thanksgiving is myself. I'm trying to convince Jess that she wants to stay in New York and come to my place for said food and drink. We'll see if I am successful otherwise it's going to be a lonely holiday.

Anyone else want to ditch family and come to New York?

"The metro is clearly not anywhere near ready for a terrorist attack, they are not even ready for teenage girls!"

Can I just say how proud of Ms. Lugnochro I am? The poor girl got mugged on the DC Metro for her iPod and her Smartrip card and then had to deal with Metro's legendary incompetency. Understandably the experience was horrible, but
Ms. Lugnochro did what she does best -- fought to rectify a great injustice. Normally she's fighting for better public health and making people's lives better. Now she's fighting to making the DC Metro a safer subway. Her story has been picked up by NBC 4 and by DCist and you can read about her own experience here.

Yes, I am very proud of her.

Monday, November 14, 2005

"I'm glad you heeded our sage advice."

I had such a great weekend. Why? Because I came to the realization that Williamsburg is for suckers.

Yes hipsters, you can have the grime, tumbleweed trash, the overpriced tenements, the shitty L Train that doesn't run sometimes, and the "aren't we so boho chic?!" mentality. There are parts of Williamsburg that are nice, but then again I can't afford those parts anyway.

What a difference a month makes. What a difference a year makes. Sunday marked my anniversary in New York and I observed the occasion by exploring my new neighborhood. While there's not a lot going on in Prospect-Lefferts Gardens, let's review why my new living situation rocks my face off:

- I live in the top floor of a brownstone and I have my own quasi-studio apartment.

- In 10 minutes I can walk to Prospect Park.

- In 15 minutes I can walk to the Brooklyn Museum of Art and the Botanical Gardens.

- In 20 minutes I can walk to the Grand Army Plaza and to the bars and restaurants of Prospect Heights. I recommend Bar Sepia on Underhill.

- In 25 minutes I can walk to walk to Park Slope.

So that's how I spent my Sunday afternoon -- walking around the perimeter of Prospect Park dumbstruck over my good fortune. I got an Italian soda at a coffee shop and bought a photograph from an artist selling prints along seventh avenue. Barely a month ago Jane and I were looking at some of the better crack dens East Williamsburg/Bushwick had to offer. How quickly things change.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

"It is advisory to be two people."

Pottery Barn, 1. Me, 0.

I'm ready to accept defeat with the Pottery Barn shelf. Even though I stubbornly persisted and managed to drill through thick plaster to install the mounting rack, the damn shelf bit won't do a thing and engage with the mounting rack. It's like getting two fickle pandas to mate.

Hmmmm. Bad analogy.

Okay it's not a very interesting blog entry, but decorating and hanging shit up has been my life for the past week and a half. I'll take the small victories -- bathroom shelf hung, coffee table constructed, cable/internet ordered, and bed skirt purchased. I'm starting to think that I should have taken my mother's offer to come up to Brooklyn last weekend and help me organize even if it meant ceding precious control.

So the stupid Pottery Barn shelf is going back. Maybe Bed Bath & Beyond will have an alternative shelving option since they have everything else. Meanwhile can my faithful readers please divine what happened to my navy blue velvet blazer? Take a deep breath, envision the blazer in your head, and post your pseudo psychic thoughts in the comments area.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

"New York is magic."

It was late -- almost 2 am. Jess, her friend, and I perched ourselves close to the roof's edge and pointed out all the constellations we could name. One more New York myth debunked: you can see stars over Manhattan.

Orion above and Union Square below, the three of us were enjoying some gin and the last of the unseasonably warm air. It was one of those magical moments where I was reminded why I moved to New York. (If only I knew that Arcade Fire was doing a free and very impromptu show below.)

Jess and I talked a bit about it's such a struggle in New York and we both agreed that the first year is the hardest. "It definitely weeds out the weak," she added. And with nearly a year under my belt and some not so good times behind me, I still wouldn't trade it -- especially when I can sit on the roof of a building and watch the nighttime ebb and flow through Union Square.

* * *

Sometime I'm going to have to add in my entry for this week's webring. I'll admit that I never got around to completing last week's question that had asked what I had done for Halloween this year. I feel that I sufficiently answered that question here.

"Everyone share what is on your Christmas list for this year and why, perhaps comparing it with previous holidays, or reminiscing on your favorite gift."

Oh dear. Christmas always seems to sneak up. Nevermind that on November the fucking 6th, I saw holiday decorations in Lord & Taylor and may have even caught a Muzak version of a Christmas carol. Happy Thanksmas, y'all. Enjoy your shopping.

Anyway, I don't really have an X-mas list. I've gotten to an age where I can do without token gifts (ie, gifts for the sake of giving) from my mother. Last year was good because having since moved to New York, I have enacted the "Must Fit In My Suitcase" rule to much success.

So what do I want this year? Here's some possible ideas: AIGA membership, Brooklyn Museum of Art membership, Met membership, a new job, and a Lord & Taylor gift card. Does Whole Foods do gift cards? See, I'm easy and it fits in my suitcase.

For other takes on this topic see:

A Prize In Every Box | Write Again Soon | Wish to See | Bad Apologies | Lugnochro

Monday, November 07, 2005

"He's also said to be very popular in Germany."

Right. It's been a while. I've been moving and stuff.

- After a week and a lot of hard work, the apartment is finally starting to not look like a disaster. The kitchen is functional (I made snickerdoodles last night and set off the fire alarm) and I can even walk through my bedroom without leaping over boxes. However the bathroom really needs my attention. Sigh.

- There seems to be some moving casualties. My brand new expensive midnight blue velvet blazer has gone missing. So has my sparkly belt, a pair of jeans, my bedskirt, and some martini glasses. Oh the despair.

- I've been making more trips to Bed Bath & Beyond than I care to admit to. Things I still need: kitchen cart, shelf, and new bedskirt.

- Confidence levels are high after I successfully navigated my way home via a taxi. Too bad a taxi from Union Square costs $17.

- I spent yesterday in a mood that can best be described as nuclear. I recovered by drinking gin, eating snickerdoodles, and watching season two L Word episodes on DVD.

- Not only is November 13th my year anniversary of being in New York, but my work performance review is scheduled for next week. Eeeek!

- Birthday Bonaza Weekend is coming up. Must make plans!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

"I tried to put the Exorcist in but it said that it was dirty."

So other things went on last week besides moving fun. For one, I went out on Friday night for drinks and dinner with Jess. This was my Take a Break from Packing Night where we went to a fantastic Basque tapas restaurant, Euzkadi, and then onto Burp Castle for 2 pints of 11% ABV Belgium beer. A drunken taxi ride later that had me walking down Bushwick Avenue when the money ran out. Oof. Saturday night (more taking a break) I went out for Halloween with Holly. Dressed up in a devil's mask, fishnets, and a skirt, we enjoyed the Halloween festivities at Galapagos. Sunday I packed and well you know the rest.

"Dolly, good. Hernia, bad."

Where to start. How about I hurt like a mutha. And can I just remark that I am a moving truck driving goddess? I didn't
get lost in Bed Stuy or hit anything.


It took two days to move. Two. This was not in the original plan.

Halloween was not an auspicious day to move on. Things started out badly when the truck was not ready on time and when we finally did get the truck -- 11 am -- the morning was nearly wasted. Jane, our two recruits, and myself spent most of Halloween just loading up the 15 foot truck -- something that took six hours. And in the middle of all this, Fala was getting ready for her big move to England.

By the time we got to the new apartment, it was 6 pm and dark. Me, Jane, and our two helpers were so tired that we voted on cutting our losses, parking the truck, paying for another day rental, and trying to finish in the morning. While our helpers left for Connecticut, Jane and I drove the truck back to the Bushwick, parked, and had some much need food and beer at the old pub.


We woke up early, took the subway to Bushwick, and picked up the truck. Good news was that the truck was still there. The back had the security equivalent of a high school gym lock, but thankfully that was enough to protect our belongings. Bad news was that some lovely soul had tagged our truck with graffiti. Classy.

We were back in Prospect-Leffert's Garden by 9 am. It took Jane and I six hours to unload the truck and get everything up to the second floor. By 4 pm I wanted to die. Now if only I could find my bed linens.

Small note about my new home. There's an abundance of doors and phone jacks, but a lack of electrical outlets. Bizarre. Now who wants to visit me for my birthday weekend? Space is limited.

* Edit: I forgot to mention that in the middle of this, I got a phone call telling me that I got tickets to the Daily Show for February 1st.