"You're a wanker, number nine!"

When we last left our heroine, she was lounging around the house, fighting maggots, watching a movie, and dangerously late for her bus to DC.

If anything, I know myself pretty well. And if I need to be out of the house by 1 pm, I know that I need to be in the shower by 12 pm in order to keep on schedule. Instead I packed and watched the British Lesbian Rom-Com called "Imagine Me & You" (cute but seriously flawed). I panicked slightly when I made my way into the shower by 12:30 and only half packed. True panic set in when I was still blow drying my hair at 1:20. I had to get all the way to West 31st and 7th Avenue by 2 pm AND I still had to get $40 from the bank to buy my roundtrip bus ticket on the Jewish Bus. Oy vey!

By 1:45 pm, I was only just crossing the Manhattan Bridge on the Q Train. I looked down at my broken and bruised small toe and started coming up with a contingency plan. If the train puts me at 6th Avenue and West 34th, I still have to walk almost two crosstown blocks AND three blocks. Can I get there by 2 pm and get $40 out of the bank? My toe looked back at me angrily as I contemplated a hurried dash through tourists and office workers.

The clock on my cell phone read 1:54 by the Q Train rolled into 14th Street Union Square. There was no fucking way I was going to make that bus let alone get the money for the ticket. Okay, Plan B. Go to Penn Station and buy a one-way Amtrak ticket to DC. Expensive, but the price I have to pay for being lazy. So that's what I did -- bought a ticket for the 4:05 Metroliner to BWI and purchased Jeffrey Eugenides's "Middlesex" to pass the time. And now I'm stuck in Cow Country, Maryland for the weekend and helping my dad in his walker.

Good times.