Wednesday, December 27, 2006

"Must be a gay thing."

I never did have that conversation with my mother. Why? An ex-girlfriend of mine once called my mother a force (imagine that being said with a South Carolinian accent) and she was damn right. My mom is absolutely unbearable sometimes, unsympathetic, overbearing, and talks over me. There are my excuses.

So am I a chicken shit for not just blurting out over manicures, "I'malesbianandthathasn'tchangedintenyearsandIwishyou'dbemoresupportive!" before stomping my pretty painted toes? 'Cause I am. Just a little bit. But whatever. My mom was being the biggest diva martyr poo this holiday and the atmosphere wasn't exactly conducive to supportive opening up. Them's the facts. However at dinner last night, which just might be the low point of a rather disastrous Christmas, she gave me a small peek into what she really thinks of my gayness.

After a few drinks with my parents and a series of tapas at Beast, I recounted one of the most awesomest experiences I've ever had in New York. It was back in October when I went to go see the Suicide Girls at Southpaw in Brooklyn. Opening for the show was a Japanese girl band whose musical style alternated between upbeat pop and death metal. It was amazing.

When I mentioned this band was opening at a burlesque show (in the interest of full disclosure), my mother turned to my father and said rather sarcastically:

"Hmmm. Must be a gay thing."

Must be a gay thing? A GAY THING? After FOUR years of not acknowledging my sexual orientation, this is what I get? Okay, I can take that. At least it means she's not laboring under any delusions. Hallelujah!

So in the spirit of the new year, here are a list of affirmations.

* I accept that my mother is crazy neurotic special in her own way and loves me in her own way and accepts my gayness in her own way.

* I accept that her accepting of my gayness is not dependent on my self worth.

* I accept that she knows that I am gay even if she isn't Best Supportive PFLAG Mother of the Year about it because really she and I have never had that relationship even when we were under the delusion of me being straight.

* I accept that my mother is a negative person, but that doesn't mean I have to be.

* I will not self censor my life when talking to my parents (eg, talking about my predilection for burlesque watching).

I am one with the zen gay buddha.


H said...

Wow, sorry to hear your holiday sucked ass. Hope your New Year's is better!

And the ten-year anniversary of telling my parents I'm gay is coming up soon for me, too. Weird.

bad apologies said...

Let me at her. I promise I can out diva your mom and throw down about your pussy licking. Gimme the address for her active living community, and I'll swing by for a game of mahjong.

Anonymous said...

the fact that you have to toss your perversion in the face of others only shows that you dont think you are anything if you are not a sexual diviant. Why do you shape you entire life around your particular choice of diviant behavior?? I guess it just gets kinda boring sitting around being a diviant and not having people effected by it huh?? Sounds a bit sick to me. Sick sick sick.

nycrouge said...

Yay for sickness!

Actually you and my mom should go bowling. Enjoy!!


nycrouge said...

Oh and by the way it's deviant. Spell check is your friend.

Anonymous said...

soooo .... you admit that there is a "right" and a "wrong" huh?? I wrote it wrong to prove the point of how you (and those like you) twist right into wrong. I choose to mis-spell. You choose to act unnatural and be a diviant.

When you get a chance, explain why it is one diviant acts like a guy and one diviant acts like a gal. Where is the "homo-ness" if they aint exactly the same? Hmmmmm "Male and female made He them." .... think that's what's up? Maybe?

Embrace Normal