Tuesday, January 02, 2007

"All Hands Lesbian Emergency!!"

I spent the first day of 2007 much like the previous year -- hungover and watching Law & Order. The only difference was that this New Year's Day I had a sleeping cat draped over me, or at least I did when I wasn't leaping up to go vomit in the bathroom.

It was a painful end to a rather awful holiday season. On New Year's Eve I had attempted to throw a party for my Lesbian Club. Having shelled out for a deposit and guaranteeing 25 people on the perhaps naive assumption that people would readily pay a nominal fee for an open bar slash food slash hang with the lesbians deal, I was more than disappointed when only seven people showed up. Seven. This includes Dennise whom I practically begged to come and visit me for the holiday. It wouldn't be such a big deal if my Club helper didn't shell out hundreds of dollars along in addition to me.

Lesbians suck. I almost flashed on my special signal in the night sky denoting an All Hands Lesbian Emergency. Then I realized that I'm not Batman, Batwoman, or any sort of gay superhero nor do I own any device that flashes a powerful beam of light into the night sky. But if I did, all Lesbians in a 15 mile radius would feel drawn to Prospect Heights knowing instinctively that one of their own was in great need (and in great need of their $$). Then again if I did have said magical light beam device, I wouldn't be single.

So I ended up having a great time with my friends that showed. We danced, ate, and drank. Thankfully I was drunk when I handed over my credit card at the end of the night. Hence the horrible hangover the next day. Now I'm seriously debating if I want to continue running Lesbian Club because, well, lesbians suck.

Now it's 2007 and thankfully the vomiting has stopped. I've spent today and yesterday in a reflective mood. What do I want for the new year? What do I want in life? What are my resolutions?

* Less drinking (obviously)
* More exercise
* Less spending
* More saving
* Less falling in love with crap people
* More adult relationships
* Less wasting the pretty

Oh these ones are oh so banal. If I weren't so burned out on dating, maybe I could muster up some old school OFTL love for 2007. Would definitely make for some interesting blog reading.


GMEyster said...

I came across your blog and I loved reading the few entires that I did. I'm so sorry that lesbians suck and you got stuck on NYE.

Hope 2007 is kicka$$ for you!

JasonBSchmidt said...

I am friends with Miss Gwen and so I arrived here at your lovely blog. I love the sound of "less wasting the pretty" but would love to know what it means.

If it's any consolation we gay fellas suck too.

nycrouge said...

Yay for new gay readers!

Wasting the pretty is a term from "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Yes, I read this book even though it's for straight girls and found that, surprisingly, the themes were pretty universal.

Whenever a girl made excuses in the book for the guy that never called her back, was unavailable, or just plain awful, the authors stated over and over again, "Don't waste the pretty." Meaning the women are too beautiful to be putting up with such meager, disappointing relationships.

So there you go.

Don't waste the pretty. Even with the gays.

bad apologies said...

Yay for nice random gays. But I still give your resolutions a snowballs chance in hell. Love you anyway! How about something we CAN accomplish, like yoga?

bad apologies said...

Woops. I meant "snowball's." Shut it J-Wo.

nycrouge said...

Your faith in me is obviously without fail.