"That said, I think we need to talk."

Ah yes. So I finally got the balls to talk to Holly about our retarded situation. We met over lunch today at my insistence that we needed to talk. It was a brief conversation, but she confirmed everything that I had guessed on my own. And thankfully we've agreed to put this pseudo-relationship out of its misery. Though I've been feeling sad of late, I currently feel so very relieved that I can move on with my life. Seriously, I feel like the last chains of a negative cycle have been broken.

I love Holly. I really do. And she's a good friend though part of me wishes it could be more, but I've accepted that this is for the best. So we decided to preserve our friendship and reconcile our feelings for each other once and for all.

"We should have talked long ago, but you were always surrounded by people. And there was always drinking involved."

"Yeah I really wanted to have this conversation sober," I replied, frankly relieved.

She continued. "Though I love you and you're one of my best friends in the whole wide world, I don't think I love you the way that you want me to love you."

"I completely agree."

"And it's been hard because I don't feel the way I should feel. It never felt right. While I don't regret what happened in Provincetown, I wasn't ready for getting into a relationship with you."

Thank fuck I am honest to goodness moving on and it feels great.

Strangely enough for all my pissing and moaning that nobody likes me, suddenly there's been a small yet noticeable uptick in interest from various people. And for your reading enjoyment, I have included below the email I received this morning:

Im sorry we didnt get the chance to talk last night at the football party. I wanted to say something and ask you something as well. First I wanted to say that when you walked in I got tunnel vision. You were the only person I was seeing. I know you probally get this a lot from women but I have to say it. I think your beautiful. Im a photographer and I see and meet beautiful women all the time so I never let myself get caught up in a woman's appearance. So what I wanted to ask you is what does a woman (me) have to do to get the chance to know you, the woman behind the beauty? I have to admit I was asking the other ladies about you after you left. If possible can we can talk some?