Friday, May 27, 2005

"Whatever point you're going to make is accurate."

I don't get it. Why is it that I have a litany of men who like me and want to take me out, but my batting average with the ladies is abysmal? Let us look at the line up of options here (includes a couple of Fleet Week edits):

Bowery Pay Phone Guy
Do you always offer random women your cell phone number? And why were you on a pay phone if you have a cell phone in the first place? You said I had a beautiful smile. I politely declined your offer, but was officially branded a "creep magnet" by Jane.

Canadian Airforce Man
I was so tired and ready to go home, but you saddled up to me looking for some action. Your Nova Scotian accent was cute and you were probably 20 years older than me. At least you were a gentleman.

Royal Navy Seaman
Though very good looking, you were so drunk you could barely stand up. You humped my leg, licked my face, and introduced yourself as Ben Dover from Nottingham. Thank you for defining the word class for me.

FedEx Man
Very good looking man, nice smile and build, always makes the flirty flirty eyes with me. I'll break your heart one day.

Pot Dealer
Thanks for buying drinks for me and my roommates last night. I really enjoyed your compliments about my smile, but I'm gay, which prompted you to ask, "So that means no men?"

I really like the flirting and attention. Keep it coming, but know that I like girls.

Cab Driver
You asked if I was a model. If you weren't driving me back to Brooklyn, I would have thought you were blind. At least you know how to work a nice tip.

Construction Man
Yes I saw you wave and when you stared at me from your backhoe even though it was creepy. I smiled and kept walking.

Anyone spot a winner here?

1 comment:

Kathleen said...

The FedEx guy at my old job was always v. nice and was the mail carrier. So maybe someone in the delivery services? ;)