"Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt."

Filed at 9:28 p.m. ET

New York (REUTERS) -- In a long anticipated move, the Pentagon has reported the start of a fierce military campaign in the region of Gluteus. Operation Pantstootight* centered around the city of Heiny where US command is playing down reports of heavy resistance by the paramilitary Gluteal Liberation Army.

Long a center of anarchy, negotiations broke down last week with the GLA installed government when a last minute peace deal was rejected. The "Ass Crisis" began three months ago when suspected members of the GLA began border raids on Thigh and bombings in the capitol of Abdomenastan.

Speaking on behalf of the president, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan stated that "the United States is very serious about rooting out all those who oppose liberty and justice."

The United Nations recalled its special envoy to the region after diplomacy failed to diffuse the crisis. UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan released a statement late Tuesday condemning the latest unilateral move by the US government as "reckless war mongering."

The Pentagon has reported no US casualties at this time.

* Translation: I went to the gym.