Thursday, April 26, 2007

"Those shoes are definitely bicurious."

I had the strangest dream last night. If anything, Rosie O'Donnell's announcement that she's leaving "The View" had wormed itself into my subconscious along with having read this article shortly before bed. As for the maggots (read below), I have no fucking idea. You can psychoanalyze/speculate to your heart's content in the comments section.

For some reason I was marrying Fake Girlfriend and I was getting married on "The View." Maybe FG and I were trying to make a statement about gay marriage -- logic is always in short supply in Dreamland -- but "The View" was going to pay for my dress. And that was apparently the deal clincher.

Right before the ceremony, I was with some girl and I was trying to figure out what to make to eat since I wanted to make sure I wasn't hungry before the wedding. In the fridge was some raw meat, but upon further inspection it had gone rancid. For some reason the girl decided to take a knife to the meat and inspect it. Upon doing this (WARNING! EXTREME NASTY DREAM PLOT DEVELOPMENT AHEAD), maggots began to shoot out of the incision like a geyser, so much that I was covered in maggots -- they were in my hair, my ears, everywhere. I kept trying to brush them off and remember the feeling of them crushing beneath my shoes. I was obviously freaking out, but was also upset that I would have to completely get ready again and cleaned up for the wedding. I'm not sure how I worked it all out, but when I arrived at the studio of "The View", Fake Girlfriend was a no show. Rosie O'Donnell's partner Kelly Carpenter was brought in as a stand in except she looked like this dumpy old woman dressed in Victorian clothes.

And that's when I woke up.


Anonymous said...

Oh my god, that's INSANE! I had a dream I was being bitten by squirrels, but in my dream, I was in bed and not sleeping, so I thought it was actually happening, except I couldn't yell for help, because I was too scared. You definitely win though.

As for the meaning: well, she didn't show, that should tell you something!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, FG is a no-show even in Dreamland. Good to know "The View" was willing to pay for your dress, though!

My theory is that the prospect of relaunching OFAG stressed you out.

Josephine said...

Last night I dreamed that Rosie and Kelli were getting married at a hotel where I was attending a conference. I was invited to go to the wedding, and I felt really obligated because there might be protestors and I needed to stand up for Rosie and Kelli. Hmm, it's funny how personal this pop culture stuff can feel sometimes.

Anonymous said...

Simply a sign that FG has no respect for food! She turns down a dinner cooked by you *and* turns meat rancid just by her mere dream presence.

Just your subconcious telling you "Don't go there! *snap snap*" when it comes to FG :)