Tuesday, June 19, 2007

"We're going to give it another go."

I love Laura, aka Fake Girlfriend. While I don't love her that way, I love her enough to want the best for her with the same fierce intensity that I reserve for all my friends. I have been there for her over the last couple of months while her job situation imploded and while her ex-girlfriend stalked and harassed her to the point of driving Laura to tears. I gave her my unflinching support as she changed her cell phone number twice to avoid an unrelenting stream of texts from The Ex where Laura was called a cunt and a whore who deserved to die for dumping her.

So I'm rather shocked and incensed to learn that Laura got back with The Ex this past weekend.

Why? Why? Why would one suffer such abuse at the hands of someone who purportedly loves them? Why could any self respecting person think that maybe the third time is the charm? (Yes, this will make the third time they have gotten back together.) Hear that sound? It's the sound of me alternately banging my fist and my forehead against my desk out of sheer disbelief.

"I knew you'd be mad at me," Laura said guiltily after she was done telling me the outcome of this past weekend. Her voice echoed from the other end of the cell phone making me wonder if she was calling from a bathroom.

"I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed," I replied with a long sigh. Inside my head was raging with a torrent of words I wanted to scream at Laura, words that I hoped would somehow save her from the huge backward leap into the abyss she was making.

Laura's voice sounded distant. "She showed up at my doorstep and my stomach just dropped. We had a really good conversation this weekend and we're going to give it another go. We realized that we just really love each other."

I knew then I couldn't save her, that there was nothing I could say to prevent the car crash of a relationship that would be unfolding. And then I felt that awful tug that comes when you realize that you either reluctantly support your friend or stop being their friend.

"Should I just keep my mouth shut?" I asked, beaten. "I mean you're an adult and can do whatever you want to do."

"There's nothing you can say. It's done."

Indeed it is. When the call was finished, I threw my phone against my desk in disgust.

Ladies, gather 'round and repeat after me.

I love myself.

I am an awesome person.

I love myself too much to give my love to someone undeserving.

I will not take abuse from a lover.

I will fight till my last breath before I let someone drag me down with their anger, hate, and disrespect.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Repeat till these words are BURNED into your soul. Too many good women -- and seriously, Laura is a good woman despite her idiocy when it comes to love -- settle for these emotionally crippled and abusive relationships. I know I have my own flaws and lord knows I've taken many a ride on the Carousel of Stupidity™, but there comes a point in everyone's life where they just say ¡no más! No, I'm not going to go down that road again. No, I will not take that girl back because she STALKED me. No, I can't change her. I demand more. I demand better.

What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. C'mon ladies, time to get off the Carousel.


J-Wo said...

Having recently gotten off of my own Carousel of Stupidity (albeit the heterosexual kind), I am both desperatly sympathetic to Laura (haven't we all been there--knowing it was a terrible idea and yet "going for it" anyway?) and totally on board with your frustration. What sucks is that her bad decisions make it hard for you to be her friend--which she's going to need even MORE when the whole thing crumbles around her feet.

nycrouge said...

And that is the main source of my frustration because I see the endpoint, whether it's two weeks or two months down the road, and she is blinded by misguided optimism. At the end of this road I also see the point where I have to inevitably help pick up the pieces of a friends broken heart.

bad apologies said...

Alas, such is the road you must travel if you are going to befriend a lesbian. :-\

I had a similar problem with Jimmy in NYC. And it was only a problem because I had to LISTEN to it on a daily basis. So he learned, and stopped telling me about his faggot of a boyfriend.

occam said...

how can she believe that someone who called her a 'whore' and a 'cunt' loves her????? This is why we women will never run the world... too many of us have zero respect for ourselves or other women. *sighs*
I hope your friend survives this next round.


Heather said...

I once dated a woman who I swear was the lead ride operator for the Carousel of Stupid. Thankfully I didn't fall into the trap of getting back together.

mimi ka. said...

Wow... after repeating what you said... i already feel bad for my future lover who ever tries on something... Oh, i love what you write up there ... about you and bridget jones LOL! I love it!

Tina-cious.com said...

Hi! Thought I'd stop by before the weenie roast...

Of course her going back w/ that girl also means you'll have to see them together and try to be civil and not show your hatred for her.

Been there... done that... hated it.

Ummm -- wow, I feel bad for your friend... she's really in for it.

Let's hope we're wrong.