Thursday, February 01, 2007

"Bands that make you gay. . ."

Well I never. Music apparently makes you gay. Or rather specifically listening to a cadre of offending artists that would make a frat boy don a feather boa and chaps. I would link directly to the site, but it's a Christian ministry and, well, in this day of reverse link lookup, I could do without the crazies. How about
this link instead?

In case you were wondering which bands make you gay, here's their list (my comments in parentheses)

* The Spores (Who??)
* Scissor Sisters (All of England must be gay.)
* Rufus Wainwright (
The man sang Julie Garland songs at Carnegie Hall. You decide.)
* Merzbau
* Ravi Shankar
* Wilco
* Bjork
* Tech N9ne
* Ghostface Killah
* Bobby Conn
* Morton Subotnik
* Cole Porter
* The String Cheese Incident
* Eagles of Death Metal
* Polyphonic Spree
* The Faint
* Interpol (How??)
* Tegan and Sara (Lesbian twins = good times)
* Erasure
* The Grateful Dead
* Le Tigre
* Marilyn Manson
* The Gossip
* The Magnetic Fields
* The Doors
* Phish
* Queen
* The Strokes
* Sufjan Stevens (The man sings about his love of Christ. Totally gay.)
* Morrissey
* Metallica
* Judas Priest (Why it took 20 years for everyone to realize Rob Halford is gay is beyond me.)
* The Village People
* The Secret Handshake
* The Rolling Stones
* David Bowie
* Frankie Goes to Hollywood (Frankie says relax.)
* Man or Astroman
* Richard Cheese
* Jay-Z
* Depeche Mode
* Kansas
* Ani DiFranco
* Fischerspooner
* John Mayer
* George Michael
* Angel Eyes
* The Indigo Girls
* Velvet Underground
* Madonna
* Elton John
* Barry Manilow
* Indigo Girls
* Melissa Etheridge
* Eminmen
* Nirvana
* Boy George
* The Killers
* Lou Reed
* Lil' Wayne
* Motorhead
* Jill Sobule (She kissed a girl.)
* Wilson Phillips (If you are listening to Wilson Phillips in 2007, you definitely pass the gay test. Or at the very least, the bad taste in music test.)
* Lisa Loeb
* Ted Nugent
* Dogstar
* Thirty Seconds to Mars
* Lil' Kim
* kd lang
* Frank Sinatra
* Hinder
* Nickleback (Not gay, just a bad band.)
* Justus Kohncke
* Bob Mould
* Clay Aiken (Kelly Rippa doesn't know where his hands have been.)
* Arcade Fire
* Bright Eyes
* Corinne Bailey Rae
* Audioslave
* Red Hot Chili Peppers
* Panic at the Disco
* Elton John (So gay that they listed him twice.)

I'll let you ponder that list, especially what Ol' Blue Eyes could have done to get on it. While you do that, consider that alcohol also has a high risk of making you gay. Take for example the phenomena of being "gaysted," which is so wasted that you'll engage in homosexual acts even though you're straight.



Anonymous said...

Dude, I'm totally gay! Thank goodness some crazy Christian group thought it wise to let me know...otherwise, how would I know that I have chosen to be gay? How kind of them.

Red said...

Indigo girls must have also been "so gay they were listed twice".

dorothy snarker said...

That Ted Nugent is on this list because of his loincloth is, quite possibly, the most hilarious thing I’ve ever read. Ever. In my entire life.

Swankster said...

Turns out this was all a big joke.

nycrouge said...

Alas. Though sadly enough you have to figure that there must be someone somewhere out in the hinterlands of the Bible Belt who actually do believe that Elton John makes you gay.

People believe the craziest shit. Including me.

EnnuiHerself said...

I appreciate the list maker's attempt at racial equality by including such artists as Ghost Face Killah, Lil' Kim, and DMX. The latter of whom will have to pop a cap in the list makers ass.

Ms. Write Again Soon said...

Darling, where have you been in the last week? I'm missing my daily dose of NYC Rouge!