Tuesday, September 02, 2008

"It's not like I rely on them . . . for love and approval."

My week went something like this.

* Searched Craigslist for apartments.

* Emailed listings.

* Called brokers.

* Stalked brokers.

* Searched Craigslist some more.

* Saw one unsuitable apartment after another, including one in a building that had burnt out windows and the cops out front.

* Cried a little while watching Obama's speech.

* Found a suitable apartment in Kensington.

* Put an application in for said apartment.

Through this process I asked my parents to be a guarantor just in case our application looked a little weak. I knew I was opening up myself to scrutiny, but it's amazing that at 30 -- or damn near close -- my parents have a way of making me feel like a failure because I asked for their help. In the end, after some special alonetime crying, I rescinded my plea for help and submitted my application on Sunday without them. Despite if I got the apartment or not I knew that I did it on my own terms. I'm still waiting to hear if it was accepted.

It's kind of hard to articulate the wound I have in regards to my family. My mother isn't very warm and fuzzy and my father is not very emotionally present. When all I desperately need is a hug and a "it's going to be alright," instead I get a brusque lecture on how I should live my life and how I should protect myself for some sort of over-imagined doomsday scenario.

Anyway, enough whining from me. Sometimes a girl just needs a hug.


Tina-cious.com said...

Big hug comin' your way. :)

Sleepy said...

A hug from across the Atlantic. :)

~wicked~ said...

so i'm taking this opportunity to finally comment on your beloved page which i so enjoy reading every day! thank you...

and i'm sending you a huge hug....it's amazing how many 'blogger's' profiles i read that had/have probs with their growth pods (my own blog-movie on my dad to hit my page soon)...and we all seem to have another common thread...that and the love of women! lol

have a GREAT day and good luck with the apartment!

Anonymous said...

Make your own family of your friends...you know who they are. Your parents are your parents and nothing more. If they choose to be remote, then there's a reason for it that you may know or never discover. You don't have to understand it-just make sure it doesn't become your life. I keep the fingers crossed for you because I sense you have an ample supply of gifts to offer a family, regardless of its incarnation.

Oh...you have my deepest empathy on your apartment search. I may be on one myself with three hurricanes in my immediate future.