Monday, June 05, 2006

"You got something wrong with your nipples?"

Your honor, the prosecution presents Exhibit F: A transcript of Ms. Post No Bill's weekend. The jury will find that this is proof of her inability to sit still and her penchant for both debauchery and lesbian world domination.

Friday: After leaving work at 1 pm to get a haircut, Ms. PNB headed back to Brooklyn only to head back into Manhattan for margaritas and nachos with CJ. Witnesses later place PNB at Cubbyhole, a West Village gay bar, where she allegedly met up with members of an illicit Brooklyn social organization that PNB is reputed to run. PNB consumed numerous alcoholic beverages and phone records show that PNB also exchanged a series of texts with a VM, also a member of this Brooklyn social organization. VM later joined PNB at Cubbyhole at approximately 12:34 am. Further alcoholic beverages were consumed before PNB, VM, and four other associates left Cubbyhole for Henrietta Hudson's. Unsubstantiated reports have PNB either dancing on a pole or participating in "bootyshakin'." Witnesses have PNB and VM leaving the club around 4 am where they later consumed pancakes before heading back to Brooklyn.

Saturday: PNB left her Lefferts Garden home around 2:30 pm where she took the subway to Times Square to meet with JJP in order to discuss forming a "lesbian arts salon" and to view a possible performance space for said salon. JJP and PNB then took a cab to the UN where they received a private tour of the Security Council chambers and other committee chambers. Security cameras place PNB at the podium of the General Assembly around 5:15 pm. A second cab was then taken from the UN headquarters to Park Slope where JJP and PNB met up with BC for a photo shoot. It is alleged that these photos will be used for promotion of the "lesbian arts salon."

PNB, JJP, and BC then headed over to Sterling Place where they visited the home of WP, a lesbian associate. Also joined by two unnamed individuals, they drank champagne, ate cheese, and watched the movie Showgirls. Wiretapping reveals that words like "tiities" and "snatch" were used. Further surveillance records PNB leaving the premises at 2:12 am.

Sunday: VM allegedly picked up PNB and drove to Beast for brunch. While at brunch, PNB and VM had a brief conversation with a lesbian associate who was dining nearby. Later PNB and VM drove to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens at approximately 1:48 pm to view the roses in bloom and take in a little jazz. They left the Botanical Gardens at approximately 4:45 and walked to Bar Sepia where witnesses say they consumed two beers each and some penne pasta. Surveillance place PNB and VM back in Lefferts Gardens by 7 pm where certain naughty activities were rumored.

The prosecution rests.


sm said...

oh man i'm jealous. how does a newly-arrived, non-crazy lesbian from chicago get in on the action?

EnnuiHerself said...

I demand an explanation of your post titles from now on.


nycrouge said...

This one is a quote from Showgirls.