"Have family, friends, and banks abandoned you?"

Ah, the dentist. Beyond medical advances in x-ray and teeth straightening technology, the practice hasn't advanced much beyond the vestiges of medieval torture. Long metal rods with sharp hooks for scraping? Needle nosed drills with their high pitched whines? You see what I'm getting at.

On Friday I went to the dentist, which is about as much fun as going to the gynecologist. I invariably find myself with my hands balled into fists as the dental hygienist stabs my gum again with the hook thing. Surely in a world that can send men to the moon and invent spray cheese can also think of a way to make dentistry less horrific.

* * *

This past weekend was my five year college reunion. Originally I was going to go down to Virginia with Dennise and enjoy the festivities, but let's face it -- I wasn't exactly overjoyed about going back to my college and seeing a bunch of people I'd rather not see in the first place. Going from New York City to Roanoke, Virginia promised to be a cultural whiplash and in the end I decided not to go to reunion. Why? Because the total price tag to fly down the sticks with hotel and food was going to be around the $500 mark. For a weekend! Who knew it was so freakin' expensive to fly from New York to Roanoke.

When I called Dennise on Monday to find out the gossip, I was slightly disappointed that I didn't go. She spoke ecstatically about seeing our former classmates (it was a small school with a graduating class of 150), seeing the campus, and boozin' it up. Sigh.

Me: "So who was there?"

She begins to list the people who where there. Then she stops mid way.

Dennise: "Yeah, it's probably a good idea you didn't go in the end."

Me: "Why? Who was there?"

But I already knew who. Dennise's faltering meant that my crazy ex-girlfriend was there. Remember? She was my email stalker.

Now I don't feel guilty at all about not going.