"So u coming to the wedding in 2009?"

While we're looking back at 2007, some of you may have wondered what happened to Laura, aka Fake Girlfriend. I regret that she was such a source of ridiculously misplaced dating energy, but maybe it made for good blog reading? No?

After it became clear that Laura was not the girl for me, we became close friends despite the fact that she's been on and off my shit list of late. Anyway, Laura began dating my friend Miss B shortly after I began dating Ms. K. I had known Miss B for over a year and had no qualms about the match, especially since I thought she gave Laura the sort of relationship stability that was missing from Laura's last relationship. That said, things moved fast as Lesbians are apt to do. By the autumn they were spending nearly every night together. By November there was talk about buying a condo together in Park Slope. By December they were living together. By New Years Day they were engaged.

The news came while Ms. K was staying with me for the New Year. "They've only been dating a month less than we have! What is up with Lesbians?!" she exclaimed with a wide eye look of shock when she did the math. "I hope you're not expecting me to propose too."

"Getting you to move to Brooklyn would be a higher priority. I'd even settle for one of the other four boroughs. Wait. Maybe not Staten Island. I don't want to have to get on a ferry to come see you. But I love you enough to visit you in Queens."

"I'm not moving to Queens. But good thing you didn't really date Laura. At the rate she moves the two of you would already be expecting twins."

Word.

The general reaction to Laura's news amongst my Lesbian cabal has been similar to Ms. K's. Personally I don't care so much as long as I don't see a train wreck in their future. But as the Grand Poobah of Gayness I feel that it is my duty to provide some sort of public service announcement for the rest of you out there:

Ahem.

Please don't propose marriage to your girlfriend that you've known all of four months. It gives the Lesbians a bad name. And really you should wait and take the time to get to know someone and feel confident that not only are you an emotionally solid person, but so is your lady friend and the both of you are not actually poster children for co-dependency.

Blah blah blah. Yes, you're in love. Mazel tov! But marriage is not a race. Hell, moving in together is not a race. So put away the U-haul! Let's try and start a trend in 2008 -- a positive fucking community trend that shows the straights that we can do marriage better than they can.

There. I've said it.