"There should always be kissing on the first date."

That's what Marianne, our freelance editor, told me, jabbing her finger into the air for emphasis. Apparently I've been going about this lesbian thing all wrong:
first base for first dates.

Marianne and I had gone out for a drink to swap online dating stories. Over beer at Botanica, I gave her my long drawn out history -- Holly came up and so did January's datefest -- and then I dished on my two recent dates.

The difference between Marianne and I is that she'll sleep with men on the first date
. . . and I don't sleep with men. With all the sage older sisterly advice she could muster, she concocted a strategy.

Marianne: "You go on a date to a bar near your place and then afterwards you invite them back for a drink. If they accept, then you know that they're interested."

Right. Seems like pretty basic advice. Why didn't I think of it sooner?

Me: "I think my problem is that I want the other woman to be dominant."

Marianne: "Then you're only going to date really butch women."

Me: "I don't do butch."

Marianne: "So you're going to be dominant and make the first move."

Me: "If I knew how to make the first move, then it wouldn't have taken me eight months to make the move on Holly."

On the heels of Marianne's advice comes a pep talk from Kate, a friend back in DC who's old enough to be my mom. Contrary to Marianne's advice, she believes that it's impossible to meet anyone of quality in a bar. She also thinks that one of the reasons I've been single for a while is that I'm in a different life place than a lot of my peers.

Kate: "The Bar is not perhaps the greatest place to meet people. What you want is a similarly independent woman who just wants to be equals. It's possible that you are too young for the person you really want, you know."

Okay, I can buy that. Marianne disagrees.

Marianne: "My sister met her husband in a bar and they've been together for sixteen years."

So there you go -- lots of conflicting dating advice. If I've managed to come out with any one piece of information after my talks is that I need to be more of a slut.