Monday, March 31, 2008

"You're so beautiful. I'm going to sing you a Hall and Oates song."

In a fit, I found myself scrubbing every surface of the kitchen with green tinged cleaner on Saturday. Ms. K had complained that there was cat hair everywhere and I felt sensitive to the cleanliness of my home lest it was a reflection of myself. I took to the trash can vigorously, spraying and buffing the chrome with a wad of paper towel.

Bent over, I was well aware that Ms. K was watching me from behind. As my spectacular badonkadonk bobbed up and down with each pass of paper towel over metal, Ms. K began to pull at my pants.

"Mmmm, you should be a naked maid," she mused.

I feigned annoyance and brushed off her advance as I focused on getting the trash can sparkling clean. However I could feel my clothes slipping off in spite.

"Mmmm, I just want to take a bite out of you," she said before teeth playfully met exposed skin.

There was a long pause. Still bent over and partially naked, body anticipating the next touch, I could feel Ms. K behind me but I couldn't tell what she was doing.

"You have some toilet paper stuck in your butt."

I whipped around and saw a gleeful look on her face. Mortified, I pulled up my pants and tried to flee to the other room. She grabbed at my arms, laughing, and tried to prevent my escape.

"Don't touch me!" I protested. "I need to go die now!"

Ms. K could barely speak, her words choked by waves of laughter. We were practically wrestling in the kitchen as I tried to make my escape.

"No, baby, come here!"


I pulled free and darted into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

"Aw," I could hear her say from the other side of the frosted glass. "I still love you."

Mortification. Let me show you it.


La Femme said...


Savin paper--yer doin it wrong.

Ms. K said...

I love you, my pretty friend. And no one has ever looked sexier or more beautiful with toilet paper stuck in their butt.

Dorothy Snarker said...

OK, Ms. Rouge, you made me laugh so hard at work my editor asked if I was OK. For serious.

p.s. Any gal who so cunningly uses Greek myth in everyday conversation can get a little TP stuck on herself from time to time and still be awesome in my book.

Katerina said...

The only reason I'm not laughing harder at this is because I am horrified of this happening. For real.

Josephine said...

I, too, have found tp stuck in my wife's butt. I just didn't tell her. It did kinda kill the moment, though.

sinclair said...

ohh man ... rouge, I want to give you a big ol' damn hug after this one.

I couldn't really even laugh ... I appreciate making light of an awkward story, I really do! and I so get that she loves you! but in my opinion? not sexy! totally killed the moment! I mean yes, tp is a reality sometimes - but man, ms K, my vote is that you're more tactful next time. :P