"I'll order something else."

Okay, so since I'm in the mood to kvetch . . .

Dear New York City bartenders,*

I love you all. Really. I also love bourbon and whisky. But I am concerned by the amount of you who don't know how to make a Manhattan cocktail and it makes me sad inside. It's not difficult and since we are in New York City I feel that this should be one of the cocktails you nail. It's not like I'm asking for a Mint Julep or a Rum Runner, beverages well suited for other localities. No, I'm asking for a Manhattan.

Let us review the recipe:

- 3 parts bourbon (or rye)
- 1 part sweet vermouth
- dash of Angostura bitters
- garnish with a maraschino cherry

Did you notice something? The third ingredient? Bitters. This is crucial, yet you forget to add it. What, you don't have bitters? What sort of fucking bar doesn't have bitters?? What you serve me time and again is bourbon and sweet vermouth. If I wanted bourbon and sweet vermouth I would have ordered it.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be a douchebag. I know it's a grueling profession, but someone has to point out the obvious. And if you don't have any bitters, just do a girl a favor and warn me of the fact. I'll order something else.

* You're perfect, Rachel. J'accuse your colleagues though.