"I love the smell of OFAG in the morning."

In the immortal words of Dean Martin, or at least made famous by, you're nobody till somebody loves you. I have to admit to a special fondness for the song (I wish I could find a better link than ol' Dino singing like he's on his fourth martini). While I hate HATE musicals, I can't help but imagine myself slipping into a well choreographed song and dance a la Gene Kelly every time I hear it or perhaps something akin to Bjork's video for "Oh So Quiet." When they film the movie of Operation Find The Lesbians -- and they will -- I would like to put a request for the Dean Martin song to be played as pedestrians in Union Square suddenly abandon their lives to join me in a quick dance, sunlight streaming down, dogs frolicking in the park, kebab cart guys two stepping with anti-war protesters, etc. Just for irony.

I think Mira Nair should direct.

J-Wo's recent comment about how she and I are the only members of our high school group still single resonated because I realized that . . . strangely enough . . . I'm okay with being single. Seriously. OFAG is not about finding someone for someone's sake, but rather having a quality person to snuggle up to on a rainy Sunday. And just as Dean Martin said:

You may be king, you may possess the world and it's gold,
But gold won't bring you happiness when you're growing old.

OFAG is a noble quest for love and one not for the faint of heart. One must be well prepared before embarking on their own journey. So gather 'round ladies and the lonely of heart. Let Ms. Rouge give you some sage advice cobbled from years of alternately fucking up and learning on the fly. I'm not sure if I can be called anybody's hero, but at least let me part with some well fought wisdom. (I may be guilty of breaking these rules, but at least I'm aware of them.)

1. You must first love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you.

2. You must tell yourself that you are worthy of awesomeness and never settle for anything less.

3. You must be super okay with being single. Loving yourself and expecting nothing short of amazing also means that you will be single whilst waiting for Ms. Right. Yes, go out there and look for her, but don't settle.

Beware, OFAGers. Just because you've made affirmations 1, 2, and 3 doesn't mean that the journey won't be fraught with peril. Do not fall for the age old lesbian cliche of moving in with someone on the second date. If you're anywhere near a U-Haul after only knowing your special lady for a month, you've just lost the quest. Return to the start line and begin again. Do not collect $200.

So get out there. Just make sure you're solid first. And case you needed ideas on how to ask out your special lady, here's a reader provided link.