Friday, May 04, 2007

"The cactus where your heart should be."

I once read somewhere that a woman's body has an amazing ability to forget pain, that during childbirth a rush of endorphins causes an amnesia like state encouraging further procreation. Basically your body knows that birth is extremely unpleasant and if we remembered just how painful we'd never do it again. And then the species would die out.

I've always wondered if this biological adaptation applies to not just physical pain, but psychological too. Or is it that the two are forever linked, psychological pain manifesting itself as physical and thus prone to the same mechanism that tricks us into vulnerability. Reading my friend J-Wo's post titled "How to Recover From a Broken Heart" stirred up memories of the couple of times I got my heart broken from love -- and I mean big time broken, can't get out of bed, crying like my best friend had gotten run over by a bus heartbroken. It's been a good four and a half years since I've experienced those depths and the brief relationships since have been trifling in comparison to the amount of pain they've managed to exude.

So what's my point? Why focus on the negative when OFAG is all about boundless optimism and the Big Push? Because one must fight to remember why this time has to be different -- that I won't pick someone solely because they like me and wonder why they were so careless with my heart. Even with the body's capacity to forget pain, the memory still lingers like a cloudy trace, a smell that triggers visions of past girlfriends. It cautions us and reminds us to go forth with seat belts on, but it also reminds that for there to be pain there had to be love. And with that comes memories of happy times, a smile, hands entwined, and really great sex.

* * *

PS -- my new favorite song is "Armchairs" by Andrew Bird. Go. Go forth and listen.


LG said...

This message was kind of timely for me, hence the lack of a smartass comment.

The ability to find and retain someone who is careful with your heart is greatly underrated.

J-Wo said...

Ahh my dear, I was just reflecting that you and I are the only two girls from the original high school group who are still single. At least you have the excuse that being a lesbian is even more challenging, since you get but a sliver of the population. Whereas I am just a freak.

Nonetheless, I am determined to revel in my (single) fabulousness this summer. I suggest that you join me as many nights of I-don't-need-you debauchery as possible.

PS - If I didn't know I would lose outright, I would even challenge you to some sort of debauchery-related competition. But since I am obviously a woeful shadow of your usual glory, I will be contented with getting out of my pajamas every day. Progress...right?

nycrouge said...

No, J-Wo, you're not a freak. You also get a sliver of the population because, well let's face it, few men meet your intellectual prowess. Why settle for someone stupid. Chin up, girl.

bad apologies said...

There should be more lesbian bath houses.

Heather said...

I know I'm a little bit late in commenting on this post but I have two things to say:

1. I love your blog. I think your writing may have an addictive chemical in it because I can’t stop reading it…and sometimes re-reading it.

2. Thanks for the song recommendation. I did as you commanded and went forth and listened to "Armchairs". I'm embarrassed to say that I hadn't heard any of Andrew Bird’s music before. After listening to "Armchairs" approximately 200 times, I decided to buy the whole album. I then played "Scythian Empires" for four days straight. Today I called in sick to work because I couldn't stop listening to "Cataracts". There's a good chance I may lose my job and end up penniless but it would be completely worth it because of how much I love this album. Again, thanks for the suggestion. Is there any chance of you providing future recommendations? Please consider it since I will need something to listen to when I'm penniless and alone.