Monday, December 08, 2008

"So what are we going to do about the holidays?"

Christmas. The time of year couples fight about whose family they are visiting for the holiday. I mean how do people tactfully avoid a fight? Unless they have the luxury of having both families living nearby, someone is going to have their feelings hurt.

I remember Ms. K and I had a big fight about this last year. At the time my parents didn't know I was dating anyone and I just assumed that it would be no big deal if we spent the holiday apart -- we had been dating for barely five months at that point. Oh how wrong was I? She accused me for being not serious about the relationship because I hadn't told my family about her. I said that it was complicated! She was hurt that I didn't want to spend the holidays with her. But you're Jewish?? I countered. I can still celebrate Christmas and presents without the baby Jesus part, she said. And my family is Catholic!


We emerged from the fight. Barely. We spent the holiday apart and I went on to come out again to my mother and tell her I was dating Ms. K. I also hoped that by the time we got to the next Christmas we would have a plan. I even brought up the subject sometime last summer. So what are we going to do about the holidays? Some plans were floated and after Ms. K discovered just how nuts my mother is, it seemed safer if I went down to Maryland for a couple of days by myself. I thought this was the plan, but then Ms. K started pouting about spending the holiday apart.

Crap, what am I going to do?

Part of me looks forward to having Christmas with my family, but I keep forgetting that the rosy sheen has long faded. Christmas now means hanging with the gray haired set, listing to my blatantly racist uncle make inappropriate comments, and having my Republican family members bemoan the tide of immigration as I clench my jaw and will myself not to shout at them for being idiots.

This should be a no brainer. Her family is only a short drive away in Pennsylvania and we have the dog to factor into plans. I'll just tell my mom that I'll being staying up north for Christmas . . . . Except that I'm a teensy bit (okay, a lot) afraid of her.

I don't know how this is going to play out and it's making me nuts. I emailed my mother to discuss the various scenarios and am awaiting a response. What do other people do? Next year I'm going to forgo the issue by being on a beach with a big fat drink.


Natazzz said...

I know it's easy to say, but just spend the holidays the way you want to spend them.

Going to Ms. K's family sounds like the better plan. What's the worst your mom could do or say?

liz said...

I know all about the pressures of family. It's there all year round but it's especially tiresome/weary during the holidays.

We usually spend Christmas day apart (she goes home to her family and I to mine) and then spend Christmas evening together.

Maybe things will change next year, but time will tell. Good luck whatever you decide.

ToonCat said...

We've been very lucky the last couple of years in that Wifey's ma has been easily managed but we have had some forced days. Things are looking hopeful for this year - we'll be with Wifey's cousins & the kids with no olds. BUT we have to find a slot to fit her in at some point over the holidays or 2009 won't be worth living!

It doesn't feel like it now but it does get a bit easier - we've even managed a couple of years of staying at home with the cats and spending the whole day in our PJs doing what we wanted!

hoo hoo said...

Me and my Jewish friend head to NYC every Christmas to hang out. It makes life so much easier.

graceless said...

how about you, miss K and the dog having your own christmas right there in NY?

it's a bit unfair of her to expect you to give up christmas with your family if she'd be equally unwilling to give up christmas with hers, no?