Tuesday, August 05, 2008

"All those skinny girls are jealous."

"Hey, miss. Can I ask you something?"

It was almost 11 pm when I heard a voice call to me from behind as I walked along Flatbush Avenue towards the subway.

"Miss?"

I hesitated since I could almost predict the conversation to follow, but I turned around anyway and saw a tall skinny man in his 20s. Maybe he was lost? Maybe he was looking the subway? Oh, I should have known better.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Uh, sure."

He looked me up and down excitedly. "I just wanted to say that I saw you walking and I just had to say that you look amazing."

"Uh, thanks."

Just to prevent you all, dear readers, from thinking I'm sort of narcissist who gets off on having strange men praise me on the street, just wait till you hear this guy's sales pitch.

"See I love heavyset women. All those skinny girls are jealous. I just wanted to know if we could keep in touch?"

Cue embarrassment.

"Uh, I'm seeing someone," I sputtered as I started to back away.

"There's no way we could keep in touch? See not a lot of men could handle you." He said this last bit with the sort of feeling one would reserve for an overly large steak.

And then . . .

"See I got twelve inches on me and I could definitely make you happy," he said with an earnest grin.

"Oh I bet you'll make some lady happy someday." Just not this lady.

I have to say that this was a first for me. You know, being a lesbian and have a man praise my curves in tandem with his penis size. I really wasn't threatened as it was more hysterical and surreal than anything. I guess I'll give the man points for trying, but I laughed as I left him still pleading to keep in touch before disappearing into the nearby subway.

4 comments:

Tina-cious.com said...

BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Poor kid. LOL

12 inches. LOLOLOL -- why does anyone think that's a good thing?

EnnuiHerself said...

That's it, I'm getting you a burqa for your birthday. Your hotness must be contained!

Anonymous said...

I get hit on often in my area (also Brooklyn, by the way). I could be in my ugliest sweats, sans makeup, they will still hit on me. And so you don't think I'm a narcissist, I'm no Angelina Jolie. I don't know why men feel this aggressive approach works. Even if I was straight, it wouldn't work.

Anonymous said...

I was dressed as old style Batman (full new style mask as well) and a guy proposed and wanted me to bear his children as he thought my "hips and butt were amazing"..... I'm a size 12 US and was dressed as BATMAN for gods sake.....