Wednesday, October 03, 2007

"Like super centerfold hot."

One of the more interesting outcomes of having someone sleep in my bed is the speculation that I just might have sleep apnea. What is sleep apnea? Well it's when, while sleeping, the body pauses breathing only to restart with a gasp. Obviously continual breathing is preferred, especially since sleep apnea can over time lead to such fun things as congestive heart failure. And if one is extra lucky, the body sometimes just stops breathing all together. I'm aiming to avoid this.

Ms. K isn't the first person to tell me that I may have sleep apnea. In fact it was back in January while staying with my friend Fals in her tiny London studio that she told me that I had been gasping in my sleep. And then there's the fact that my brother has been diagnosed with having sleep apnea, so I already have a genetic predisposition.

Having been told repeatedly by Ms. K to get myself checked out "for realsies" as she would say, you'd think that I'd rush off to my doctor. But I have dragged my heels on going because I'm not enthused about having to go to a sleep clinic and having to wear one of these while I sleep for god knows how long.

What a pain in the fucking ass. And not sexy. I don't want to wear a mask when I sleep.

"I really don't think the apnea is good, it's scary to constantly hear you stop breathing like that. Because you know breathing is awesome."

Okay, if you put it that way . . .

Promising Ms. K that I would do so, I finally called my doctor yesterday and set up an appointment with him for Friday morning. Then I suppose I'll be sent to a sleep clinic where they will film me to see if I indeed have the apnea. Awesome. I guess it's cute that Ms. K has been so adamant in making sure that I continue breathing.

Yeah, you need to tell him that you think that you have sleep apnea. Because I really, really think that you do. Or if you don't think you have the apnea (even though you do), tell him that I think you have the apnea. I'm the boss of this. And I think that you would look amazingly hot in a sleep apnea mask. Like super centerfold hot. So let's not let fear of having to wear a mask be a deterrent to getting the apnea fixed, okay?

Centerfold hot? Okay, I guess there's a fetish for everything . . .


Ms. Avarice said...

dad had sleep apnea. sometimes i was jealous because he slept so deeply with the mask. my sleep is rarely very restful. lucky you!

Anonymous said...

There are other masks that aren't as intrusive. They have nose cannulas and a tube like a snorkel. The machine is very quiet. Your friend is right. Sleeping is awesome and waking from sleep even more so.

birdonthewirenyc said...

dude, if you have to wear a snorkel to bed, please promise me you'll post a photo of it. please?