Sunday, December 23, 2007

"That's it. You want them happy."

My horoscope for today:

"One of your oldest relationships is reaching an important turning point. This is the time to admit that it's now or never, and make the choice you have been afraid to make. You need to look out for yourself in this scenario, and realize that your role in the partnership is not just to do what they expect you to do all the time. Where is your piece of the pie? You can choose to have a last conversation on the topic, or you can choose to just let go and move on."

Balls. Could my horoscope be talking about my mother and how I have been planning to rectify our relationship by re-coming out to her? Now or never?? Balls.

Okay, I can do this, I told myself. How hard can it be for me to just say the words I have a girlfriend. Or something to that effect. Quick like a Band-Aid!

My stomach felt queasy, but that could have been the food poisoning I had yesterday. How could I casually insert that into a conversation? Especially since Ms. K had been thinking of picking me up in Maryland to take me back to Brooklyn?

My mother and I have a shall we say special relationship. I briefly lost my nerve yesterday when our Brooklyn based reunion started off rocky (I ended up crying in my bathroom. And it wasn't just the food poisoning.) But now that I was back in Maryland would I still have it in me to do what I needed to do?

I saw my opportunity over a mother-daughter shopping trip figuring that I could either (a) tell her in the car yet risk a car crash or (b) tell her in a public place so she couldn't lose her shit. Right. A PLAN!

But then she started buying me stuff and I hesitated because I really wanted those sheets that she said she'd get me. Okay, I'd tell her in the car! Kismet struck as we were leaving the store when she said, "I don't know how you're going to fit all this stuff in your suitcase to take back to New York."

"It won't be a problem," I stammered, my tongue feeling strange in my mouth as I prepared to say what I have been scared of for ten years.

"Why is that?" she asked.

"Because my . . . girlfriend might be picking me up either Tuesday night or Wednesday."

My heart began to race as the words hung between us. And then my mother responded with:

"Oh it would be a big help if she would pick you up!"

Wait. What just happened here? Did my mom just casually roll over the fact that I just said I had a girlfriend? Where were the hysterics of years past? Was she happy that Ms. K was coming because she wouldn't have to drive me to the bus on the 26th?

"Who is this?" my mother continued.

"Her name is Ms. K."

"Where is she coming from?"

"Pennsylvania." My voice sounded strange coming out of my mouth.

"She can always stay Tuesday night. There's the fold out couch and the air mattress."

Um, who are you and what have you done with my mother?


EnnuiHerself said...

“I have spent most of my life worrying about things that never happened.”

Glad to hear the "big talk" went so smoothly - all that worrying for naught.

Anonymous said...

That sounds really good, except that what if maybe (just maybe!) she thought you meant 'my girlfriend', like 'my friend'? You know that's what stright autimatically assume when one says 'my girlfriend'.

Anonymous said...

I'm so proud and happy for you! I know how hard it is, and how much it means when your herefore-to reluctant mother acknowledges your girlfriend. Happy for you!