"Don't get all snack-fascist on me."

Sitting in a restaurant bar in Philadelphia's Chinatown and waiting for the next bus back to New York, Holly and I found ourselves getting sucked into MTV. I can't tell you the last time I watched MTV, which is why I couldn't identify three quarters of the acts that sang and danced their way through each video. We sat in the bar long enough to watch a half dozen or so "Top Summer 2005 Jams." In each rap video, I spotted some reoccurring visual cliches:

- Scantily clad women
- A posse
- Cars (usually pimped out)

As I watched my fifth video with all the above elements, I exclaimed loudly, "I want a posse!" They could point and nod in the background as I surround myself with scantily clad women. Errr . . . or maybe not.

This mental tangent is brought to you by this week's Webring assignment. Mr. Bad Apologies asks, "If you were to form a gang right now, what would it be called? What would it do? What would your personal nickname be? What would you be known to be especially 'hard core' at in your gang?"

Well seeing how I want a posse, I could easily parlay this into gang activity. However, all gangs need to be united around a common interest. Would my posse terrorize citizens who wear black socks with sandals? Hmmmm . . . suddenly I sound like the Taliban.

Since my interests are gin, good food, and art, my options are limited here. Fisticuffs to decide whether Jeff Koons is a hack? Bloody fights over which is the best wine? Some ho from a rival foodie gang would claim that white wine was better than red. I would say, "Oh no she didn't!" Then my posse would gather round and nod threateningly. Smack down of epic proportion would ensue.

Gang Name: Bombay Brawlers
Purpose: Causing foodie mayhem
My Nickname: The Gimlet Girl
Hardcoreness: I would stab people with hors d'oeuvre forks

Yes, this is the lamest thing I've ever written. Pity me.

For other takes on this topic see:

A Prize In Every Box | Write Again Soon | Wish to See | Bad Apologies | A Little Maryment | Lugnochro