"You'll be able to recognize me by my fashionable shoes and distinct lack of mullet."

Oh crap. The annual chocolate laden holiday gift basket has arrived at work and I've already broken into the dark chocolate covered pretzels something fierce. Christmas, why must you make me a fatty chocolate eating whore? No one will want to date me with an Ass Crisis.

Anyway, in case you thought I wasn't being proactive about my singleness, I can assure you that I've taken some key steps to end the Great Drought of 2003-2005. No, I haven't sought out lesbian speed dating, but I have stuck my toe into the online dating waters again, receiving a bounty of responses.* I've also joined a lesbian social group in Park Slope.

I'm pretty outgoing, so I don't mind showing up somewhere in the hope of connecting with a bunch of strangers from Craigslist. My only fear is that I will show up on time and no one will be there. Or rather the meeting location will be packed and I won't be able to find the people I'm supposed to be meeting.

So there I was at the Tea Lounge, armed with a chai latte, and furtively scanning the room looking for anyone who looked remotely butch. Keep in mind that I was in Park Slope so the odds were about as good as finding a gay man in Chelsea. I did the whole scanning thing for a couple minutes, trying not to look like an idiot. Although I identified a couple of lesbian candidates, none of them looked like they were part of a group or even a gaggle. I resisted the urge to shout loudly, "ARE THERE ANY LESBIANS IN THE HOUSE?" When it almost seemed like the evening was a bust, I managed to locate the group organizer without causing a scene.

Huzzah! I'm now part of a lesbian social group!

* It looks as though I have a date tomorrow. Please MTA, please don't strike!!