"Don't touch my boobs, don't touch my ass, just stop it."

Ms. K has a coworker that propositioned her for sex last night.

Let's call this coworker Deborah.

Look, I'm not particularly the jealous type and I feel 100% secure in my relationship with Ms. K, but this is the same coworker who is quickly sleeping her way through the rest of the restaurant staff. Not only has Deborah slept with one of the managers who has girlfriend, she's gotten friendly with a waiter who is known to have patronized hookers. Hookers! So it's all a bit sordid and with a dash of a potential STD. And furthermore, Deborah has met me. Multiple times! She knows that Ms. K and I are married!

I guess this means that it was inevitable that Deborah would set her sights on Ms. K, but it's still gross. There's a lot of dirty back story that I could explain, but this is all you need to know. Deborah was rather sexually aggressive with Ms. K last night as they had drinks after work with other staff members. If she wasn't pressing her body against Ms. K while sitting on the bar stool, she was Mr. Grabby with the inappropriate touching. Or she was saying, "I was thinking of you all day." Or she was suggesting threesomes with the guy who has sex with hookers. Deborah even followed Ms. K to the bathroom at one point and she told me that had to forcefully say to Deborah, "You need to stop."

However it really didn't stop, so Ms. K called it a night and left the bar before anyone could slip her a roofie, coming home to me and regaling me with her story of bad touching and incestuous, alcohol fueled coworker relationships. With hookers.

I feel the need to go down to the restaurant and reestablish some boundaries, but my gut is telling me that Deborah is not the most stable person and thus my saying something would be like pouring gasoline on fire.

Dude. Too much drama.

"The apartment was found in disarray."

The Good:

Unexpectedly, my friend and colleague DJ surprised Ms. K and I with a wedding gift -- two wedding gifts! Orchestrating donations at work, she not only presented us with a lovely card signed by 18 of my colleagues, but two gift certificates -- one to the restaurant Blue Hill in Manhattan and the other to Char No. 4 in Brooklyn. Hey, maybe there's something to this whole getting married thing.

Furthermore, on the same day that we received the gifts, I unexpectedly won a free service probably valued at about $50. Huzzah. Time to take that luck to Vegas!

The Bad:

Apart from losing a couple of paychecks to IKEA, things have been generally good. The new apartment is great! No regrets! However my previous landlord is less that happy with me and is threatening to sue me in small claims court. This can probably be sorted out without going to court and we've been playing phone tag over the last week, but right now the red voice mail indicator is flashing on my work phone and I really don't want to pick it up and listen to the message because I know there's a 99% chance that it is him. Needless to say I've been procrastinating on this all morning and, well, need to just nut up and call him back and sort it all out. He says, "The apartment was found in disarray," and I need to explain to him that that was pretty much how we received it from the previous tenant.

The Not So Ugly:

A couple of days ago, after going over a week without cooking gas, I finally made my first meal in the apartment, which was a modest supper of chicken, sauteed crimini mushrooms, and green beans. Apologies for the iPhone quality photo. My camera is packed somewhere . . . . But hey, note the granite counter top at the top of the picture!

"Attention Ikea associates, we have a Code 99 in textiles."

Since I still don't have cooking gas hooked up in my apartment, I've been subsisting on a diet of cold Thanksgiving leftovers, takeout, and the occasional meal from the Farm on Adderley. Needless to say this shit is getting old, but I should hopefully have full use of my new stove on Thursday. In the interim, let's look back over the last couple of months, scraping together a couple of half formed story ideas that never made it out of the gate because I was busy getting gay married and stuff.

* My parents bought my 27 year old brother a house in October. This sort of made me laugh in a way that really means that I'm crying on the inside. Do I want my parents to buy me a house? Absolutely not, but I find it funny that my parents would buy my brother a house yet have only visited me twice in New York in the five years I've lived here, complaining that it's too expensive to visit. Cue sad trombone.

* What else, what else . . . OH! I still haven't my parents that I got gay married.

* Because I switched neighborhoods when I moved, I need to find a new gym. UGH. Seriously, this was really the only Con in the Pros & Cons category regarding the move. But it is a big Con. The closest gym to me now is the Crunch on Flatbush, where the Yelp reviews don't exactly inspire confidence.

* Ms. K and I went to IKEA and spent a small fortune, which in turn is helping make our new apartment look like we had hoped the old one would look like. Plus we painted our bedroom "Electric Blue" and bought this rug. Fun!

"We have nothing to fear from love and commitment."

Brava, New York State Senator Diane Savino, brava. It's a shame the majority of your fellow senators didn't see your eloquent point.